CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:
Chuck Norris facts have become increasingly
popular and funny. Below is a list of the funniest. Enjoy.
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
- Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
- Chuck Norris does not go hunting, he goes killing.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
- In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World
Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and
those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever
- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris
out. It failed miserably.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse
kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
- Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of
a plane and punched the ground.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris
could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris
lives in Texas.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell
him there was a stripper in it.
- A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of
execution in 16 states.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.
Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble
themselves out of fear.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even
larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country
of Australia for 44 minutes.
- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris
has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the
French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the
1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of
Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card
from the game UNO.
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting beat up" you will
generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around
people. He walks through them
- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However,
upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a
documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; HE determines what time it
- If you happen to work at the same office as Chuck Norris, don't ask
him for his three-hole-punch.
- Everybody loves Raymond, except Chuck Norris.
- As a child, Chuck Norris would trick-or-treat as Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a knife under her pillow. Not
because he is afraid of the dark, but because he is afraid of Chuck
- Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
- When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck
- Chuck Norris can watch 60 Minutes in 20 minutes.
- Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded
pistol, and won.
- Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double for crying scenes.
- Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting...because
he's not acting.
- Chuck Norris is the only person in the world who can email a
- Chuck Norris' show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck
Norris doesn't run.
- Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
- Chuck Norris eliminated the periodic table because Chuck Norris
only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris doesn't own a home. He just walks into random
houses and people move.
- Chuck Norris lives in a round house.
- Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no
- When Arnold says, "I'll be back" in the first Terminator, it is
implied that he is going to get Chuck Norris' help.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't
foolish enough to attack him.
- Chuck Norris can hit blackjack with just one card.
- People invented the automobile as a means to escape from Chuck
Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the automobile
- When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor was the only person who
cried. Never slap Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
- Chuck Norris' body temperature is 98 degrees...Celsius.
- Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
- Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but also a verb.